ERIC: We're baaaaaaaack. Forgotten how comfie the Soapbox chair was, having been away for a couple of weeks. Glad to be back, and I thank the Lord and the Storm for welcoming me back with a meaty issue, and that's the understatement of the week.
PAUL: And great to have you back in the saddle and opening the batting with the hottest topic in the game, the Melbourne Storm formula on how to fiddle the books and get caught. The self inflicted enterprise engineered by CEO Brian Waldron himself. If the Storm management are looking for a man to fix up the mess they need look no further than Waldron himself. He created the mess now he can fix it and work for the Storm for free, absolutely free, there will be no problem with his salary cap.
ERIC: I'm dumbstruck! That's the first original idea you've had since Noah was a boy. And what a beauty. Yep, that should be Waldron's penalty, get in and fix the mess he made, or so say his News Ltd bossess, and who are you gonna believe. No need to answer that one, the truth is out there somewhere. I believe you also have an idea about a Royal Commission into the whole sordid business. Who do you have pencilled in to run this mighty witch-hunt, sorry, proper, transparent enquiry.
PAUL: I think when you were went on holidays you lost the plot. You need to get up to Chemist Warehouse and get some medication to stimulate your brain cells. I can even recommend a good doctor. We need Phillip Ronald Gould to chair the enquiry who will be agenda free, measured, provide the resonance and balance we need into the Storm fiasco. And I want my old mate Peter Costello, the world's greatest treasurer, to be appointed the financial guru for the Storm, to assist Waldron restructure the place. And Costello's legal background could also be of great assistance to the Storm enquiry.
ERIC: Thanks for the medical advice, Dr Haigh and I have some for you: hurry back to the lunatic asylum you escaped from. Peter Costello, I know he's your financial hero, but it only proves there's no accounting for taste. And, anyway, what's he done to deserve such a lousy gig? No, I think Phil Gould should also be inserted into that role; I have no doubt he could run the Royal Commission and offer a little advice to Master Waldron from time to time. Gus is an immensely talented man, wise beyond his years, quite possibly the wisest man of this entire wide, brown land. I can see the Reverend Gallop falling over himself to nominate Gould, surely one of his rugby league heroes. If he's not, as Gerry Harvey says, why not?
PAUL: And speaking of Gerry Harvey, he's well known at the Storm, just ask that talented centre Greg Inglis, one of the names mentioned as getting more cash and gifts in the salary cap rorts. One lot of goodies he got was a reported $20,000 Harvey Norman gift voucher to fill his home with televisions, DVD's, Ipods, large minitors, etc, etc. Maybe Gerry and Singo, who are loaded, can buy the Storm and take away the endless buckets of money News Ltd have spent on the Storm since they joined in 1998. And they can be named the Harvey Norman Storm.
And in regard to coaching, Craig Bellamy should swap gigs and take over the Sharks from his old Canberra buddy, Ricky Stuart. The Sharks are well and truly under the salary cap. Ricky and Bellyache could star in the sequel to the Eddie Murphy and Dan Akroyd film, Trading Places.
ERIC: You're on fire this week, old sport. Talking of Sticky, the best joke since the salary storm hit the old fans, was the one where the players ask coach Bellamy what it would be like playing for no points. And Bellyache replies, I don't know, let me ring Rick Stuart to find out. Boom boom. As for Harvey and Singo, mate, leave them alone, they're top blokes, right off the top shelf, as far as rugby league is concerned. Both have been massive supporters of the game for more years than even I can remember. Now, before we let this mess go for this week, what about the no points penalty for the Storm. Do you reckon it's fair for Storm, its fans and the teams they gotta play betwen now and the end of the season? Any solutions, Mr Genius of the week?
PAUL: I say open the gates to the fans for free to watch the Storm games in Melbourne for the rest of the year. The Storm brought this mess on themselves. I would have kicked them out for 2010 and made them really think about whay they had done and shed the $700,000 worth in players to get under the cap for 2011. Yes, the fans lose, but the NRL are like the judges in court, he or she assesses the evidence before them and makes a decision and then imposes sentence. The matter is in the Reverend's Gallop's domain. Anyway, time to get into the tipping for round eight and there is no Monday footy this week with the Test match on Friday, May 7 between the Kiwis and the Kangaroos, ironically being played in Melbourne.
ERIC: You're a very hard man, Mr Haigh, unusual in someone just out of previously mentioned aaylum. But then again you also follow the We Always Choke in September team, St George Dragons. As I alluded earlier there's only man in rugby league wise enough to determine if the Storm penalties were too harsh, our guru, Gus Gould. OK, then let's help our numerous and loyal readers with some insightful tips to this weekend's matches. Broncos will lose at home to the Knights, who are more desperate for a win than Kevin Rudd; Eels and Bulldogs, rugby league will be the winner here but the Dogs to get the premiership points; the Raiders will come out of the coma just in time to win some points in NZ, and finally. the Titans will end Penrith's winning streak up there on the Gold Coast.
PAUL: For mine, the Cowboys to gallop over the salary cap rorters the Storm, in Townsville, the Dragons to keep marching on and belt the Sharks in Wollongong, the Roosters to embrass the Tigers in front of Kevin Rudd at Campbelltown Stadium on Sunday for the grand reopening of the revamped ground, and Manly to soar over the Bunnies on Sunday arvo.
That's all from me Ecca for this week.
ERIC: Nice work, from me, ha ha, See ya all next week.
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